What Happened
hawkhandsaw was visiting last weekend and left behind a mailing tube containing
some riding crops and canes. There was also a plastic strap that she'd attached to the
tube for use as a handle.

She asked me to mail the tube back to her, and specifically asked me to remove the handle
first, presumably to avoid snags, etc. But it seemed a shame to remove her handle, so
I just taped it down instead. And left the tube in the mailroom.

I left work early because I'd forgotten my cellphone and didn't want to be without it.
When I walked in the house, the cellphone was ringing. It was my secretary, informing
me that the package had been tagged as suspicious, the mail facility had been evacuated,
and the bomb squad had taken charge of the premises.

I phoned over there and spoke to the officer in charge, who asked me if I could identify
the contents of the package. I said that the package had been inadvertently left at
my house by a friend and that I'd mailed it back without looking in it, which was true
but apparently the wrong answer. He told me they'd need to speak to my friend
IMMEDIATELY or they'd have to blow the package up.

I emphasized that the friend was entirely trustworthy and that the package had sat
in my house for three days before I mailed it. I also offered to come pick it up.
That was a non-starter.

I had no phone # for hawkhandsaw so I got on IRC and set all the channel
denizens to work frantically trying to dig up a #. Got a #, got voicemail, left a
message.

The head of the bomb squad called and said he'd like to come out to my house to talk
to me; I said sure. A few minutes later hawkhandsaw called in response to
my frantic email. I had her call the mailroom and speak to the bomb-squad-guy-in-charge.

Ten minutes later, the chief bomb squadder showed up on my doorstep and asked me to
come downtown with him. I said I'd be glad to, but perhaps it would be unnecessary
since the owner of the package had been reached and was even now talking to his
colleagues.

He radioed said colleagues and confirmed that hawkhandsaw had accurately
(as verified by X-ray) described the package contents (two crops, two canes, and an
evil stick, though apparently she had to explain exactly what a crop is). I heard
him say "So this is a non-event, then?" After (apparently) receiving an affirmative
reply, he hung up, told me the trip downtown was cancelled, pulled out a notebook,
asked me a number of questions about hawkhandsaw (including her age and
her time of departure) and left.

The end. I think.